James 1:9 (TPT) says, “My dearest brothers and sisters, take this to heart: Be quick to listen, but slow to speak. And be slow to become angry.”
If I’m being completely honest, I have never been one that was slow to speak. I’m always quickly spouting my opinion and viewpoint on something. Once it comes to mind, I immediately say it and if I’m being honest … it’s ironic, lol - because one of my pet peeves is people who just immediately have the urge to spout their opinion even when it isn’t necessary or asked for … and guess what - I do it 😂.
A dear friend of mine told me it’s better to ask people when they’re about to share information with you “Are you wanting a safe space to talk or vent, or are you seeking a resolution or my opinion on the matter?”. If I’m being honest I’m not very good at this because almost every time I have a conversation with someone about something they may be experiencing or whatever, my first instinct is to offload my opinion on it whether they asked for it or not. Then afterward I end up feeling bad because I didn’t initially ask that question or because I can tell that they aren’t really hearing anything that I said during the conversation. I posted on my IG story today “God help me to become slower to respond to certain things.”, and I believe it’s an honest prayer I need to start praying every time I talk with someone about something or someone wants to share something with me.
One thing I also realize that contributes to this urge to immediately offload my opinion or thoughts regarding a person's situation or what they’re experiencing is that I genuinely care about folks’ well-being. I’m also realizing that the urge to constantly offload can sometimes come off as overwhelming and really just not what people may need, want to hear, or are seeking at the time. Sometimes people just want you to be quiet and listen, but how would you know that if you don’t ask at the beginning of the conversation?
I’ve always been self-aware that I do this and there are even moments where I try to ask the Holy Spirit what I should say or how I should respond ... 9 times out of 10 though I ask, but I don't always give Holy Spirit enough time to tell me what to say or guide my words OR if I should even say anything at all because at this point I'm so emotionally invested. So because I'm emotionally invested I end up speaking from a place of emotion and how the situation is making ME feel.
I also realized how much of a pour and how exhausting it can be for me to constantly offload my opinions or advice out of love because I care so much about a person. I say this because I can usually tell if what I’ve said is ultimately going fall flat due to me not asking the person what they need from me at the time of the conversation. That is also not a good feeling, so remembering to ask that question and then praying for guidance of words is crucial in the beginning because it's a healthier way for me to combat that guilty feeling afterward.
There’s a such thing I believe as getting a revelation on something and then taking that something and almost twisting it to what it’s not. I got a revelation on speaking up and not just standing by, observing everything, which I realize I completely misinterpreted, hence why we’re here now talking about the urge to offload lol. I can laugh at it now because I realize that’s exactly what happened, in me wanting to not hold back my true feelings or thoughts on something, I offloaded how I really felt not taking into account that it STILL may not be what folks need or want to hear. I mean I know there is a certain way to say things, a certain tone and delivery, but even in that, it’s very easy to get your wires crossed up. So now I really have to take a step back and ask God to not only help me to be slow to respond but also to respond when prompted without the excess emotion attached to it. With that, also asking God (as my friend put it) to help me discern when to withdraw and when to deposit. That is knowing when to deposit or give my advice and opinion on something even when asked for it and when to withdraw or withhold my opinion because ultimately it’ll fall flat. I also think there’s a need to ask God to help us be more tactful in responding when prompted for advice or opinions because you can easily offload in that space too. You can give someone great and productive advice while being selective about what you say. Meaning your whole spill of what you want to say may sound REAL good and sound, yet still, you may have to be picky about what actually needs to be said or what you believe will resonate the most. Half of the time, people have selective hearing when it comes to opinions and advice anyway - that is they hear what you’re saying, but they pick and choose what they keep and what they discard.
I’d love to hear from you though, as the reader - how do you know when to share your opinions on certain situations? Do you ask whoever you’re talking to when they want to share something if they want your opinion or if they just want a listening ear? Do you ask Holy Spirit to guide your words prior to speaking? Let me know 😊.
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